magnificently uncommon

(I'm racing against 3mg of melatonin, lets see how this goes...)

5. Staple removers that remove staples in one move, and in one piece. Who keeps buying these brittle staples?

4. Finding a rubber finger thing that fits perfectly AND doesn't make your finger sweat awkwardly.

3. Paper clips that aren't tangled. Its like a fucking barrel of monkeys. Anyone remember that game?

2. Neon mini post-its. They're snazzy!

1. Copy machines that staple AS THEY FUCKING COPY! Technology! It's mind blowing!

While folding mail yesterday, I started playing the movie game in my head. Pick an actor, name a movie the actor has been in, name another actor in that movie and so on.

I then turned it into the Steve Buscemi game.

Start with Steve Buscemi, name a movie he has been in, someone else in that movie, a movie they have been in and keep going for as long as you possible until you get back to Steve Buscemi again.

The longest I lasted was 78 links.

Then Liz turned it into 6 degrees of Steve Buscemi. She'd text me an actor and I'd try to link them to Steve.

Now I invite you to do the same.

*EDITED BECAUSE I AM A COCKY IDIOT WHO WAS CERTAIN THAT SUSAN SARANDON WAS IN CLUE. GOD DAMN IT. GOD DAMN IT ALL TO HELL.*

http://totallylookslike.com/2009/10/19/susan-sarandon-totally-looks-like-lesley-ann-warren-from-clue/

Example: Tim Curry

Tim Curry
in Clue
with Madeline Kahn
in Young Frankenstein
with Cloris Leachman
in Spanglish
with Adam Sandler
in The Wedding Singer
with Steve Buscemi


Play along at home. We'll start with a classic: Kevin Bacon. I got to Steve Buscemi in 7 links (not counting Kevin and Steve). Can you do better?

Don't use IMDB, that's lame. Use your noodle, what else are you doing with it?

So I'm on a vegetarian kick for the past 2 weeks (save for a cunning chicken sandwich at Wawa. it was calling to me. i was weak). Last night I drank too many girlie drinks and woke up with a wicked hangover. As I walked home from class, I pondered my lunch options. I ended up hankering for patty melt. Ah, the patty melt. The love child of a grilled cheese and a hamburger. So I threw together a vegetarian friendly patty melt. It was the greatest thing ever.

Veggie Patty Melt
2 slices Ezekiel 4:9 bread, sesame http://www.foodforlife.com/
2 slices 365 organic colby jack cheese
1 Morning Star spicy southwestern black bean burger
Earth Balance soy vegan butter stuff http://www.earthbalancenatural.com/
thinly sliced onion


cook the burger in a frying pan.

butter the bread.

when the burger is done, clean off the pan and arrange the sandwich, bread, cheese, onion, burger, onion, cheese bread.

cook until the cheese is melted and the the bread is crispy. so fucking good.

Did I just explain how to arrange and cook a patty melt? I think I did.

Today was the first time I used Earth Balance for a grilled cheese and it was wonderful. It actually cooked better than butter. And it's yummy. And its organic.

As I was cleaning out my hard drive, I came across this random .txt file. Seeing as I use word almost exclusively, I opened the file and opened the door to a drunken memory from first semester sophomore year. This has not been altered in anyway. I apologize to anyone this may offend. I still don't know why this is a .txt file.

"we were not alcoholics. but we showed great potential. John, the infinite hostess, was making sure that everyone had enough to drink. Bob, the super senior was scamming on all the girls. i was always at risk. everything blurred and swelled and i needed another cigarette. as the alcohol flowed we all became more aware of inhibitions and phobias. pet peeves and complexes. though out our bingeing- rules slowly came into existence. You do not spill beer on kurt vonnegeht. I spilled and denied and everyone believed in the elegant lie that this was life. in all it's beauty and flaws. this was life. we ate we drank we fucked when the alcohol flowed freely enough. we lived life to its fullest and scoffed at everyone who got in our way. bob was the eternal optimist who left stolen muffins over the house. john cleaned up after him. i sat back and enjoyed it all. bob was 23 but never let that get him down. in his 5 foot 1 frame he used his charming tiny innocence to his advantage. he would hold the refrigerator door open and ask "do you want a beer" and i would always say yes. for some strange reason and despite my 8 am class the next morning- i would always comply when bob offered. john invited high school memories to his house and would ask me, his loving wife, to assist in entertaining. and i , as his loving wife, would agree. and they would sit, gingerly sipping their beer and reminisce on the good ol' days. and i, drunken mess that i was, would sit at my computer and steal bob's music. i had become a professional drunken thief. stealing hair-bands and plugs from parties whenever my alcohol level allowed. but i the voice in the back of my head had a stronger tolarance for alcohol than i."

10/16/2007

This was my final paper for Advanced Composition. Thanks to the beautiful Heather, I found this paper again and thought it'd be fun to share with you all. Enjoy!

Use Sparingly

Once upon a time, children learned naughty words from their fathers when they hurt themselves, not from television or music. There was a time, a simpler time, when swear words were outlawed in most households and offenders were severely punished. It was the time of the American dream, a chicken in every pot and a bar of Dial Soap in every dirty mouth. Of course, those times are long gone. Most of the words once found offensive have been mixed into everyday language. Because of this, most foul words have lost their stench. They have become so diluted that they lack the potency they once had. However, a few words still pack a mighty punch. Cunt is one of the words that has stood the test of time and is still considered a word that is totally taboo.

Dictionaries devote little space to Cunt’s definition. The Oxford English Dictionary simply defines it as ‘the female external genital organs… Applied to a person, esp. a woman, as a term of vulgar abuse’ and leaves it at that. Other dictionaries follow suit. Microsoft Office 2003 does not even recognize it as a word, underlining every occurrence with a menacing red squiggly line. The lack of print material on the word helps Cunt hold on to its power. When a curse word becomes commonplace, it loses its power. Such was the downfall of ‘fuck’. Unlike ‘fuck’, Cunt has been on the cusp of desensitization for years, but it still has yet to cross that line and continues to shock and appall any and all who get in its way.

The word holds more power than any other swear word. Even amongst a group of particularly potty-mouthed people, as common swear words are thrown around like dodge balls, when Cunt somehow gets mixed in, the room goes quiet and an uncomfortable veil silently falls upon the room. Cunt has that power; no other word can boast that.

Desensitization has turned the once explosive f-bomb into a cherry bomb, yet Cunt still turns the stomach of the not-so-easily offended. Why have certain swear words become socially acceptable while Cunt still reigns supreme? Some words which were once taboo are not common in everyday language. Other words like ‘fuck’ are still offensive, but have lost much of its venom due to the cultural immunity towards many swear words.

What makes Cunt such an explosive swear word? Perhaps it stems from the way the word sounds. The word is generally unattractive; the fact that it rhymes with ‘grunt’ does not help it. The harsh ‘C’ sharpens the word but the equally harsh ‘T’ turns the word into a blunt object. Unlike the word ‘fuck’ with which you can stab, Cunt is a word you use to beat people over the head with. By nature, the word is feminine. The prefix ‘cu’ is an typically associated with femininity. For example, ‘cow’ refers to a female animal, 'queen' refers to a female ruler, and Cunt is a term for female genitalia. Also, the Latin word for ‘vagina’ is ‘cunnus’ which bears a striking resemblance to the slang Cunt, but as far as it can be seen, this is just a coincidence.

Cunt is not the only feminine insult. Many offensive words and phrases stem from female-based insults. ‘Bastard’ and ‘son of a bitch’ are common insults for a man, but both are actually direct shots at the mother of the insult receiver. Also, different slang terms for female genitals, as in ‘twat’ and ‘pussy’, can be used as insults towards men as well. Of course, these words are not used to call men vaginas. Calling a man a ‘twat’ implies that he his incompetent, and calling a man a ‘pussy’ implies that he is weak. At the same time, slang terms for male genitals, as in ‘dick’ or ‘prick’, lack the weight and power of the aforementioned female-based insults.

Another reason the word is so powerful is the fear and disgust of the female reproductive organ. Cunt is a synonym for a word that is likened to something dirty and frightening rather than something beautiful and life giving. This hatred stems from deep-seated “cultural representations of the vagina as an abject organ:

"Given representations of the vagina as smelly, dirty, and potentially diseased, it is not surprising that women's genitals are a source of shame or embarrassment [and are] a part of their bodies many women can't bear to even look at"” (Virginia Braun and Sue Wilkinson qtd in Hunt).

Because of this it is also not surprise that "Hell is a term frequently used [...] for female genitals"(Pauline Kiernan qtd. in Hunt). The myth of the Vagina Detata has a hand in the demonizing of the vagina. This is the belief that the vagina is a relocated mouth that will castrate and devour a man’s penis. As outlandish as this may seem it is a common myth in many primitive societies. The usage of Cunt as a term of insult reveals both a fear and hatred of the vagina.

If women allow themselves to be insulted by Cunt, are they succumbing to the belief that they should be ashamed of their bodies? Should women abhor or exult in all the different names for her body? Efforts have been made by women to reclaim the word and turn it into a word of empowerment rather than one of abuse. During the 1970s, feminists worked to end ‘womb-fear’, that is, the fear of the female genitals, and encouraged women to embrace words like Cunt. Feminist and author Germaine Greer was once a staunch advocate for the desensitization and social acceptance of Cunt. Despite her efforts, the word was not acclimated into common speech.

More recently, writer and activist Eve Ensler’s play, ‘The Vagina Monologues’, has attempted to bring Cunt into the mainstream with the monologue ‘Reclaiming Cunt’. While “The Vagina Monologues” is a stunning piece modern theatre, it still makes people uncomfortable. And a small Catholic University would probably re-instate its football team before allowing a theatre group to perform it. Efforts to reclaim Cunt have been in vain. The word shows no sign of finding a place in common language.

So what does all this mean? Cunt is a four-letter slang word for female genitalia. It cannot be said on television or around your grandmother. Feminists and activists wish to reclaim Cunt and change its negative meaning. This is tricky. Should there be rules when reclaiming Cunt? Who gets to say it? Who can they say it to? There is a clear power in the word, and the power comes from women. Women hold the key to Cunt’s negative or positive power. There are too many women out there who are simply disgusted, uninformed, or afraid to use the word. The word Cunt is only as bad as people make it. Despite, or perhaps because of, efforts to desensitize Cunt, the word is still offensive, and is still not acceptable. No matter how often the word is said, listeners still cringe. Many women refuse to say the word aloud and men only seem to use it in its derogatory tone.

Perhaps Cunt is one word best left unsaid. The words power is derived from its taboo nature. How do the feminists feel about this? 30 years later, Germaine Greer has changed her stance on Cunt saying,

"I love the idea that this word is still so sacred that you can use it like a torpedo, that you can hole people below the waterline. You can make strong men go pale. This word for our female 'sex' is an extraordinarily powerful reminder of who we are and where we came from. It's a word of immense power - to be used sparingly"(qtd in Anderson).

Maybe, in Greer’s eyes, Cunt has been reclaimed after all. Not in the way Greer and her fellow female revolutionaries originally intended, but reclaimed all the same. Cunt is an insulting and obscene word, and that is not going to change anytime soon. Cunt may never lose its obscene status, and that may be for the best. However, as long as the power of the word rests with women, there is hope. For once, women can be proud that a feminine insult reigns as the be-all-end-all of dirty words. Women can choose to let the word offend them, or let it empower them. The word can work for them or against them. Women have the power to hold on to Cunt and let it become the most obscene word in the English language. And that is nothing to be ashamed of.

Couldn't resist....

I am really sick and it's totally draining me. And during class, I couldn't help but think that if I was home my mom would make a big pot of chicken soup to make me feel better. Then I snapped out of my headache induced hallucination. Now, I'm not much of a cook. And I've been extremely reluctant to use my Italian kitchen (it's old, it's small, and I have to translate my grocery list before I go to the super market). But I couldn't help but find myself day dreaming about my mom's chicken soup. So on my way home from class, I stopped at my favorite pizza place (run by an Asian family...) and picked up a rather tasty rotisserie chicken for under 5 euro. I found a basic chicken stock recipe online and kinda improvised from there.

Sick As a Dog Soup

1 small rotisserie chicken
1 small red onion
2 celery stalks, leaves included
2 carrots

Wash your hands, damn it, you're sick. Pick the chicken clean, keeping some meat and skin on the carcass (oh, thats a tasty word) and put it in a large pot. Put the chicken pieces aside for later.

Cut carrot, celery, and onion into large pieces, add to pot.

Add enough water to the pot to cover everything and then some. I dunno... guesstimate.

Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and let everything simmer for about an hour and a half. Feel free to add salt and spices. I threw in most of the seasonings I had in the pantry. Garlic, thyme, pepper flakes, black pepper and salt.

Allow your kitchen to take on a wonderful homey aroma. Allow your roommates to compliment you freely. Don't let on that you have no idea what you're doing.

After about 90 minutes, strain the broth into another pot. You may have to use to 2 if all your other pots are substantially smaller than the original pot.

I let the broth sit for a while, but that was because I was feeling a trifle woozy and decided to lie down and watch Amelie. This is not necessary.

If you let the broth cool, heat it up again. Add the chicken and whatever vegetables you want. I added carrots, celery, onions and corn. The only veggies I had. Taste the broth, add whatever spices you think you need.

Cook noodles separately. I used twisty whole grain extra fiber ones. Can never have enough fiber...

Stir soup occasionally and check tenderness (and sympathy.. ooh bad Jekyll and Hyde joke) of the veggies. I dont like mushy veggies.

When you feel like the soup is done, pour it over noodles and enjoy!

Taken with photobooth because I don't have a digi camera.